Civil Partnership Ceremony Speech

It is said that a great speech has a good beginning and a good ending, and the two are as close together as possible! Well, tough luck! Tonight is one of the few occasions in my life, when I have been allowed to do all of the talking. So please forgive me if I make the most of it.

I’d like to start by welcoming you all here to celebrate with us. Most of you have traveled a long way, but whether your journey was 5 miles or 5000 miles we thank you all sincerely for sharing this special day with us.

Nearly all of the important people in our life are right here, in this room.

Being surrounded by family and friends is wonderful.

Without your help and support over the years we would not have got this far and we hope you all enjoy tonight as much as we are going to.

Tradition dictates that I tell you an amusing story or two about Clifford, but Clifford dictates that I do no such thing. So just a few stories about us both then.

The first time I set eyes on Clifford was in the Cococabana club in London nearly 30 years ago and I was immediately struck by his good looks … to me, he looked drop-dead gorgeous! I remember saying to him “You’re gorgeous!” I remember his reply, “Drop dead!”

Luckily for me I did not and our paths crossed again a few years later, this time in a Manchester club, and after I was released from the police station in the early hours of the next morning, thanks mainly to a faulty breathalyser test, a whirlwind romance began.

After a few short weeks of going out, Clifford and I decided to move in together, and we have lived together in sin ever since. Of course, we do have our little scraps like most people, but never anything serious – well, nothing three police officers and a team of paramedics could never sort out.

You will be pleased to hear that there is plenty of romance left in our lives. Only last week I asked Clifford, ‘Will you love me when I’m old, wrinkled and grey?’ He replied lovingly, ‘Of course I do!’

We have been together now for over 25 years, and in that time I've learned a very valuable lesson for keeping any partnership together, which I would like to pass on to you all:

Whenever you are Wrong - Admit It!
Whenever your are Right - Keep Quiet!

To my partner and joy, thank you for everything you have done. You know everything about me and love me just the same. You know my faults, yet you have still stayed with me for all these years, I am extremely lucky.

So here's a toast to Clifford - please stand and raise your glasses as I recite the following:

‘Because I love you truly,
because you love me, too,
my very greatest happiness
is sharing life with you.’ To Clifford!

I am really glad that Clifford has been my partner for so long. Caring, talented, modest, good looking - you can see why he chose me. Seriously though, the term 'better half' doesn't quite do Clifford justice. Thank you Clifford for making this the best day of my life and I hope that every future day will be as happy as today - - - - just not so expensive.

People never seem to get the opportunity to tell each other how much we appreciate what they mean to us. Somewhere along the line, we just assume that our parents know we love them, and understand that we don't have to say those words.

But there's hardly a better time than now to mention, that we would not be here today, if it were not for our mums and dads.

Unfortunately my 86 year old normally healthy mum is a bit under the weather so could not make it here today, but more concerning is the fact that

Clifford’s mum Thelma was taken to hospital two weeks ago as her health has significantly deteriorated. Our heartfelt loving thanks, go out to both of our mums today.

I would also like to mention our fathers Michael Roy Bell & Robert Squires, who sadly are no longer with us. On a day like this, we miss their wit and wisdom. So where ever they are, I hope they are very proud of their families right now.

I would like to propose a toast to ALL absent family & friends, but especially to Thelma, so please stand and raise your glasses “to absent friends”

The golden rule of speeches is this: ‘Quit while at least some of the audience are still awake’. And that is exactly what I aim to do. But just in case the person next to you has nodded off, please give them a nudge as I’m sure they wouldn’t want to miss the rest of the evening.

And on to our Best Man (for want of a better description). We have known Jason for around nine years and he’s always been there for us. I remember when I lost my job, Jason was there. When Clifford closed his hairdressing salons, Jason was there. And when Clifford wrote off his Blue Ford Sierra, Jason was there. In fact, come to think about it, Jason - you're a bloody jinx!

Some people are surprised that Jason and I have remained such good friends. Anyone that knows us will agree that we're like chalk and cheese - and anyone who has ever smelt Jason’s feet will agree that he's definitely the cheese.

For all the many years we’ve known Jason, we have always considered him to be very Frank and very Ernest. In fact, as far as the benefits agency is concerned, he is Frank in Dagenham and Ernest in Essex .

The last page you will be glad to hear - Many people judge their success on how much money they have in the bank or on how they look in the mirror.

If there was a preferred way for Clifford and me to do it, then it would have to be by looking at the friends and family that surround us now.

If you’re here with us today it’s because you are important to us and we say this sincerely.

When I look around the room I’m in total awe of how lucky and successful Clifford and I really are. I state for the record that you are all welcome in our home and our lives moving forward.

For those of you itching to stretch your legs, you will be pleased to hear that the band will start shortly, which reminds me.

Nearly 50 years ago I was knocked off my peddle bike in Kent , by a Ford Popular racing along at its top speed of 33 mph.

A doctor told in hospital, that I would never dance properly again. When the music starts, you will see exactly what that doctor meant.

I'd like to thank you all for being here once again and for helping to make this the happiest day of our lives and I would like to finish by expressing our wish, that you all enjoy the remainder of the evening.

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